GO AKATSUKI!
by XxLostMeaningxX
Summary: What Akatsuki do in their spare time. NEW CHAPTER: The war has been won! Who won it? Who lost? Who lost their girlfriend? Who has really suckish friends?  And most important of all: Who's the Wicked Tooth Fairy?
1. Halloween

**Ok,someone told me that the first three chapters' writing**

Halloween

Once everyone had sat down at the meeting, Leader (I'm going to start referring to him as Pain now.) said, "Ok, we all know what tomorrow is-"

Tobi immediately raised his hand and burst out, "What's tomorrow?"

"…Halloween, Tobi. Stop interrupting me like that, ok?" Pain said.

"Halloween? Yay! I'm going to dress up as a-"

"SHUT UP, TOBI. Now, since tomorrow is Halloween, we have to rack in as much candy as possible, because if we do, then we don't have to spend any money on groceries for the next couple of days." Pain said.

"Amazing plan." Kakuzu agreed.

"Isn't this a bit… you know… childish?" Kisame asked.

"Yeah, I mean COME ON! We're adults for Jashin's sake! I'm not going to make a fool of myself by going to someone's *beep*doorway asking for *beep* candy, that's *beep* retarded!" Hidan shouted.

"I knew you were going to say that." Pain muttered. "Apple!"

Hidan shouted angrily,"APPLE? Who the *beep* is apple? And what type of name is that?"

Suddenly a huge dragon with a spiked tail and wicked fangs walks in.

"Oh." Hidan stuttered. "That's Apple."

Pain, seeing the exact reaction he wanted, said, "We hired him to keep an eye on anyone who got to crazy-"

"Mainly Hidan, then." Kisame interrupted.

"…Yes, mainly Hidan." Pain said.

"That's *beep* retarded, I don't need some stupid dragon watching me!" Hidan said angrily, keeping his eyes on the dragon.

Tobi immediately interrupted, "Tobi loves candy! Especially Candy Buttons! Except once I got one stuck in my nose-"

"Tobi, that doesn't matter right now-" Hidan shouted angrily.

"Shut up, Hidan! It's you and your mouth's fault that you have a dragon with you, so deal with it-" Kisame said angrily to Hidan.

"Well I-"

"SHUT UP!" A scream erupted from one of the ends of the table.

Everyone quieted down immediately, looking at who could have possibly made such a noise. It was Konan.

"Hidan, you're going to have to deal with having a dragon follow you. Don't try anything funny, because he will immediately eat you if you do. Kisame, stop interrupting or I'm going to give you one of the nastiest, bloodiest paper cuts of all time. And Tobi, we aren't really interested in hearing your stories about getting Candy Buttons shoved up your nose, so sorry. As you were saying, Pain?" Konan said.

"Umm, yeah. Ok, rules are, there is no stealing from kids, no kidnapping, no sacrifices, hidan, I'm talking about you, no killing, no setting houses on fire, no torturing, no dating, Itachi, last time you did that everyone wanted to kiss her, and things started getting ugly, so none of that, no kitten-napping, Tobi,-"

"But they're so cute!" Tobi whimpered.

"No poisoning other kids candy, no TPing, and… I think that's it." Pain said.

"What? No TPing? That's madness! I did the best job on the entire street last time, un!" Deidara said, clearly outraged.

"Like I said, NO TPing, Deidara! Now all of you go and get your costumes."

Soon the members slowly poured out of the room, scrapping together money for their costumes.

** wasn't allowed (thanks!) so here's the fourth chapter**


	2. Shopping

**Sorry I haven't been able to post any new chapters lately, school just started and everythings been crazy. I also was reading the previous chapter that I put out, and the beginning of it was messed up and continued toward the end. Darn it. Anyway, here's the new chapter.**

Itachi got out of his rusting white truck and walked toward the store.

He saw the others get out of their cars. Kisame had a Ford Explorer, Hidan had a… Porsche? Wow. Tobi was carpooling with Deidara and a very annoyed Kakuzu, Zetsu rode in the trunk of Pain and Konan's car. Itachi immediately entered the store and ran to the back. He se3arched for a good costume he wouldn't be made fun of for, and found it. An executioner costume, with a big black robe and a mask. This way, girls couldn't see his face, so they wouldn't attack him at first sight, and he wouldn't be asked many questions and could rack in a lot of candy quick.

Suddenly he heard someone.

"Oh! A flower costume!" He looked out and saw Tobi.

"This would be perfect! It's so pretty! Deidara senpai! I found what I want!" He shouted and ran off.

Itachi grabbed his costume and made a run for it. He arrived at the counter, only to be stopped by Kisame.

"An executioner, eh? Interesting." He said.

"Yeah, just hurry. Last time I came here I was tackled by a girl that worked here, and I don't want it to happen again-"

"Itachi! Is that you?"Someone shouted. Itachi whirled around and saw that exact girl, running toward him.

"Run, itachi! I'll pay for your costume!" Kisame told him, and immediately Itachi ran through the door toward his car.

"Hey, Itachi! Don't you remember me? Come back!" She shouted.

He got into his car and sped off.

"Aww, Itachi! Dang it…"

Back inside the store, Kakuzu was charged an extra three dollars for his costume by accident.

"What, do you think I'm made of money or something? AN EXTRA THREE DOLLARS?" Kakuzu said angrily to the cashier.

"I'm sorry sir! It was an accident, here! I'll give you three dollars instead, okay?" The cashier said nervously.

"You better! Next time be more careful about doing that!" Kakuzu said.

"Okay! Here!" The cashier sad, handing three bucks to the enraged Kakuzu.

"I'm watching you, man. Always watching." Kakuzu said, and he left.

Soon the rest of the Akatsuki left, and got ready for Halloween.


	3. TrickorTreat

Tobi squirmed inside his costume.

"Deidara senpai, can you help me? It's sort of small!" He said.

"Fine, un. You really should've tried it on when we were there though." Deidara said, and he grabbed the costume and pulled it onto Tobi.

"The last time, Tobi!" He said, and Deidara left the room.

Soon everyone had been told to meet. Once they were all there, Pain made sure they were all wearing something for Halloween.

Kakuzu was wearing a Cowboy hat (Not that creative…), Tobi had an oversized flower stuck to his head, Deidara was a… bird? Itachi was an executioner, Zetsu was just Zetsu, Kisame wore a shark costume, and Hidan was just dressed normally, in an Akatsuki robe with his scythe.

"Hidan! Where's your costume?" Pain asked.

"Think about what someone OUTSIDE of the Akatsuki would think." Hidan said.

Pain paused for a moment.

"Ok, you're right." He said. Immediately Itachi started getting out of his costume.

"Hidan's the only one!" Pain said to Itachi. He glared at Pain and put it back on.

"Okay, remember the rules, go." Pain said.

They all left.

Once Itachi and Kisame arrived on their first street, they decided to split up and cover both sides. Kisame had the left side of the street, and Itachi the right. Soon they were done and they made they're way down the block. Once they arrived at a house, a blonde boy noticed Itachi's outfit.

"So, an executioner, huh?" He asked.

Itachi sighed. "Yeah. What the heck are you supposed to be?" He asked, pointing to the oversized bowl on the blonde boys body.

"A bowl of ramen! Sakura said that I looked totally pathetic, but I didn't care." He said.

"Ramen? Is it homemade? Because it doesn't really look like you got it at the store." Itachi asked. The lady stuck her head out the door and shoved a bowl of candy toward them. He felt like a total idiot doing this.

"Take as many as you like." She said. Itachi grabbed two handfuls of it and shoved it into his pillowcase, ignoring the annoyed expression of the lady.

"Yeah, it took about two days to make." The blonde said, and grabbed a handful of candy.

"What's your name?" Itachi asked. He was trying to think of an excuse to leave, because they were at the end of that street, and Kisame was trying to get his attention. Itachi waved to him, then walked across the street, and the boy followed him.

"Naruto, what's yours?" Naruto said.

Itachi stopped for a minute. Naruto had absolutely no idea that it was him.

"Uh, Brock…" He lied. "oh, would you look at that, there's my friend, I REALLY got to go, bye."

Itachi caught up with Kisame.

"This is no time for social, man! We gotta get going!" Kisame said, "So who's your friend?"

"Naruto." Itachi said.

"The Jinchuriki? Never know who you're gonna meet out here…" Kisame muttered.

Meanwhile, Hidan was having a hard time trying to get candy.

He slammed the doorbell, frightening the other children, and soon it opened.

The lady started, "Here you go, take as much as y-"

But right before she finished, Hidan shouted, "I already know, make way ya little goblins!" The children looked startled, except for one of them, who was dressed as a goblin. He smiled and gave Hidan a thumbs-up.

Hidan shoved his hands in and took as much as he could, as in, the whole bowl. One kid started crying.

"Hey! You give some of that back!" The lady shouted, and grabbed the back of Hidan's shirt right before he left.

"Look lady, you said that we could take as much as we want, and I just happened to get to the bowl first!" Hidan snarled.

"Aren't you a little old to be Trick-or-Treating?" The lady said angrily.

"Since when was dressing up as homicidal monsters considered a kids thing?" He said. A teenager dressed as a Scream Ghost shouted, "Yeah!"

"Since now, now PUT THE CANDY BACK." The lady said, pointing toward the bowl.

Hidan scowled and dropped a couple pieces in, then turned around.

"More!" She said.

"Ugh! Now I know why we only have one girl in the…" Then he paused. That was close.

"What?" She said.

"Nothing, here's your oh-so-precious candy." He said, putting most of it back into the bowl, and then he stormed off.

Meanwhile, Zetsu probably had more candy then anyone. One street had a contest that was, 'Most Amazing Costume' contest that was ran by a couple of bored teenagers that were kicked out of the house for the night, and Zetsu, out of the 50 people participating, one easily. The prize was several large bags of king size Crunch bars, Hershey's bars, Kisses, Snickers, Milky Ways, Three Musketeers, and any other candy you could think of. He was a pretty happy camper, and he hadn't even visited a house yet.

It was nearing 11:00 PM, and most of the houses were closing up and had their lights turned off. Deidara and Tobi ran across the dark street to Deidara's favorite house every Halloween. Amanda Shickelfridzcno (Shick-ul-frid-iszsh-no). The main reason? When Deidara was nine years old, he could never pronounce her last name right, and she made fun of him every time she saw him for it. That Halloween he decided to get her back, and TPed her house and ruined her garden. He's continued to TP and ruin her garden every year now.

Deidara grinned and pulled out a toilet paper roll.

"Deidara senpai! Leader said we weren't allowed to TP!" Tobi whispered.

"But Leader isn't here right now, is he?" Deidara said.

Tobi paused for a moment, then continued, "But Leader said that we couldn't TP! We'll get into trouble!" Tobi said.

"Look Tobi, do you want to still be a good boy? Because if you don't help or you tell or something like that, you won't be a good boy anymore." Deidara lied. He knew this would work.  
"But… Ok, I'll help!" Tobi said gleefully.

"Ok, you get on the other side of that tree." Deidara said.

Tobi ran to the other side, and caught the toilet paper roll.

"Now toss it back." Deidara instructed.

Tobi threw it back, and once Deidara caught it, he unrolled it a little and caught the end of it on a tree. He then ran around the tree, and threw it over to Tobi again.

Soon after they threw it back and forth, Tobi whispered, "Deidara senpai, can I run around the yard with it?"

"Yeah, un. Just do a good job." Deidara whispered back.

Tobi ran around the yard, but soon Deidara stopped him.

"Cut it off every once in a while, so it's not just one big easy line that she can just pick up immediately, un." Deidara said.

"Oh. Ok." Tobi said.

He ran around the yard, ripping it off every ten feet or so. Soon he was out.

"Deidara senpai, I'm out!" Tobi said frantically.

"Calm down, Tobi! Here," Deidara said, tossing him another roll.

Deidara pulled out a roll for himself and hooked it onto one of the thorns on a cactus. He started walking around it, and made sure that it was into the thorns as he went around.

Only a minute or so after handing Tobi his second roll, Tobi appeared next to him.

"I'm out again!" Tobi said.

"Tobi, how could you be out so fast?" He asked, and turned around. The ground was covered in toilet paper. The door had it hanging down. There was toilet paper across the roof, like he had thrown it across. It was amazing.

How did you do all of this that fast? Deidara asked.

"I dunno, I just did." Tobi replied.

Soon Deidara had finished rolling the cactus up, and ran over to the flower bed. He jumped onto them and kicked up some dirt, and Tobi screamed.

"Deidara senpai, that's mean! Flowers are living creatures, too!" Tobi cried.

"Oh calm down." Deidara sadi, and thought of a fast excuse. "These flowers are bad! They've killed other flowers, un!"

Tobi stopped and said, "b… But flowers are Tobi's friends…". He clutched his flower costume.

"Now THIS is art." Deidara said, admiring their work, "C'mon, let's get out of here."

"Who's there?" Someone suddenly shouted.

"RUN TOBI! I'LL HANDLE THIS!" Deidara shouted, and Tobi immediately ran across the street. Deidara slapped his forehead when Tobi saw a kitten, picked it up, and kept running.

"Tobi you idi-"

"Who're you?" A deep voice said.

Deidara gulped. That didn't sound like Amanda.

He turned to see a… man. He looked just like a rocker, he had tattoos across his arms, long greasy black hair, and, of course, a goatee.

"Did you do this to my yard?" He asked.

Deidara gulped, "Yeah, heh heh, isn't it great, un?" Deidara asked. He would've blew him up right there, but he didn't have his clay. Dang it, he HAD to forget it at the time he really needed it.

"Punk, I'm gonna beat you into next year!" He shouted.

"Deidara?" A higher voice said.

Amanda appeared right next to the man.

"If it isn't the boy who couldn't say my last name? Well, guess what. I'm now married and have the last name, Brown." She said happily.

"un, You're married, well, umm, yeah, that's great! So how about I run back home and get a present for you two, eh heh, yeah!" Deidara said shakily.

"Oh no. You've tore up my garden and TPed my house long enough. David, I'll leave him to you." Amanda said, and walked back inside.

David looked at me, grinned, and raised a fist.

"Oh man." Deidra whimpered.


	4. Merry Christmas!

Only a couple months after that was everyone (Except Hidan)'s favorite season. Christmas!

They had all decided to be together that Christmas (How loving…) so they could plan out missions sooner and talk.

Everyone had a different reason to like Christmas (Once again, except Hidan.)

Kakuzu liked it because he received free money.

Deidara got free clay.

Konan loved the snow.

Itachi always hung up mistletoe outside of a shop and sat next to the doorway, waiting for a cute girl to come by.

Zetsu got to flirt with Itachi's mistletoe (itachi: Zetsu, why are you talking to my mistletoe?)

Kisame liked swimming in the cold water.

Pain also liked getting free money, as long as he could manage to hide it from Kakuzu.

And Tobi loved receiving presents (especially if they were bunnies, kittens, small penguins, birds, hamsters, and anything else small, furry and adorable.)

And starting today, in exactly a month, was Christmas.

Kisame noticed a very sad looking Itachi.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He asked.

"There was only one cute girl, and she said hi and was about to step under the mistletoe, but then her boyfriend stopped her. Then some girl that looked like she weighed about 400 something pounds noticed me, and she almost strangled me. I had to call security, but when they came, they told me that hanging up a mistletoe in front of a shop without permission is illegal, and they made me leave." Itachi pouted.

"Wow, bad day." Kisame said.

"Yeah, I sort of already noticed that." Itachi said, glaring at Kisame.

"Well, I got lucky, though." Kisame said happily. "I was just swimming along, minding my own business, when some cute girl shark asked me out this for this Saturday, at about noon. Oh yeah!" Kisame said, flipping open his phone to show the Uchiha a picture.

Itachi looked at the picture of the tiger shark."It's just a shark. You're interested in animals?" He asked.

Kisame immediately looked offended. "I don't tell you how to live your life! Human girls all look so ugly!" and with that, he stormed into the other room.

"Yeah right! You've liked one or two before, I know it!" Itachi shouted.

Meanwhile, Tobi was in charge of decorating the Akatsuki lair. He strung up Christmas lights, hung up everyone (except Hidan)'s stockings, and made cookies (because he was hungry). He took a break and put in a Christmas CD. Soon he started singing along to, 'Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer'.

Soon Zetsu walked in.

"Tobi, I **smell** **cookies." **He said.

"Yup! I'm making Double Fudge and Ultimate Chocolate Chip Deluxe!" He said happily.

"A long name for such** a small, delicious cookie.**" He said, and left the room.

Kakuzu walked into the kitchen soon after Zetsu left.

"I smell cookies. What type?" He asked.

"Double Fudge and Ultimate Chocolate Chip Deluxe!" Tobi said, and he pinned up another row of Christmas lights.

Kakuzu paused for a moment. "They sound expensive… You better have paid for it." He muttered and walked out of the room.

"I did!" Tobi shouted.

Soon Deidara walked in to get ice for his still-healing black eye he got from Halloween, thanks to Amanda's husband.

"Mmm, cookies, un?" He asked, opening the freezer and pulling out an ice bag.

"Uh-huh! Double Fudge and Ultimate Chocolate Chip Deluxe!" Tobi said, starting to get slightly annoyed by everyone caring so much about the cookies.

"They sound good." Deidara said, and he walked out of the room.

Soon Itachi came in.

"Cookies?" He asked.

Tobi's eye twitched.

"Yes, Double Fudge and Ultimate Chocolate Chip Deluxe."

"Tell me when they're ready." He said, and walked out.

Soon Pain walked in.

"Hey To-"

"THEY'RE DOUBLE FUDGE AND ULTIMATE CHOCOLATE CHIP DELUXE, NOW GET OUT!" Tobi shouted angrily, pointing at the frightened Pain.

"Umm, okay, I'm-I'm going right now." Pain said, raising his hand in defense and slowly backing out of the room.

Soon the timer had went off, and Tobi got the cookies out. He ate one, then dumped them all out onto a plate and ran out of the room.

"Cookies!" Tobi said cheerfully, and placed them on the table.

At that moment everyone (except Pain) tackled the table. (Yeah, they were THAT good.)

Hidan grabbed the dish and tried to make a run for it, but Zetsu came out of the floor and tripped him.

"Zetsu you-"

Kisame grabbed the dish and stuffed half of them into his mouth, but then something hit his foot and exploded, and the cookies went flying in all directions.

Hidan jumped out and grabbed one, but then Itachi stomped hard onto Hidan's hand, making him let go of it.

It was PURE MADNESS. That's when Tobi's dark side came out.

"STOOOOOOOOOOOOP!" Tobi shouted.

Immediately, everyone stopped.

"Put the cookies back on the plate." Tobi said, pointing at the plate. No one wanted Tobi to get angry again, so they all put them back.

"Now GET IN A LINE!" Tobi said.

They all got in a line.

"Now I'm going to give you each a coo-" But right before he finished, the cat he kitten-napped on Halloween (he didn't care about the rules right then, it was too cute) purred and licked his shoe.

Tobi looked down at it.

"Of course, Mrs. Kitten! You can have the cookies!" Tobi said happily, putting the plate carefully on her back. "Share some with your kittens!"

The cat ran into the other room, careful not to drop any of the cookies.

"Kittens?" Zetsu asked.

"Yeah! She had them on Hidan's bed, they were so adorable!" Tobi said happily.

Hidan's eye twitched. "She… You… I… My- my- bed?"

"Yeah! I was going to replace the sheets, but then you came in and told me to get out." Tobi said.

Hidan's eye twitched again. He was silent for a moment. None of the other Akatsuki members dared to speak.

"SHE HAD KITTENS ON MY *beep* BED AND YOU DIDN'T REPLACE THE *beep* SHEETS?" Hidan shouted at Tobi.

All power Tobi had when he made the cookies disappeared.

"Well, Hidan, you shouted every swear word known to man at me, and then threw me out of your bedroom. Like I said, I would've replaced the sheets, but you stopped me."

Hidan gave Tobi a glare so frightening, so vicious, so bloodthirsty, that it made Itachi's sharingan look weak.

Tobi noticed how angry he was.

"D-d-do you w-want a cookie?" Tobi whimpered.

"Tobi, I will only say this once. GET. OUT. OF. MY *beep* SIGHT!" Hidan shouted.

"Tobi is doing that right now!" Tobi shouted, running out of the room.

"Well… Heh heh… That was sort of funny, right?" Kakuzu said.

Hidan directed his attention to his partner, who immediately wished he hadn't say that.

"Kakuzu, are you ASKING to die? Because you may THINK you can't die that easily, but I can think of so many gruesome ways to kill you." Hidan said quietly.

Kakuzu had never really felt scared before, but now he did.

"N-no, um, I-I'll leave too n-now..." Kakuzu said, getting up and rushing out of the room.

Hidan looked angrily at the rest of the Akatsuki members.

"Anyone else?" He shouted.

They all shook their heads.

"Good. Now you all get out of my sight, too!" He shouted.


	5. The Night Before Christmas

The Night Before Christmas

It was long after that incident, but Hidan was still slightly mad at Tobi. Whenever the odd, orange masked man would walk by, he would give him the death-glare. Tobi would then run. It continued all the way up until about one or two days before Christmas, when Pain talked to them and ended it.

Now it was the night before Christmas, and everyone was at least a little excited. Itachi finally found a girlfriend, and was bragging to Kisame.

"She has the longest lashes, and her eyes are sooooo BEAUTIFUL!" He said. He actually was only trying to purposely annoy Kisame, and unfortunately for Kisame, it was working. "Oh, and did I mention her-"

"I get it Itachi! Don't you have something better to do?" The annoyed fish man asked.

Itachi thought for a moment. "Nope! She already kissed me too, and her lips taste like chocolate." He grinned.

"Have you told her your in the Akatsuki, yet?" Kisame asked.

"Tch, yeah, of course. I even told her about why I REALLY killed my whole family, cuz she's from Konoha, and she really wanted to know."

"is it that pink-haired chick? I swear, she is the most ANNOYING girl in the whole world." Kisame said.

"What? Pink hair? Heck no, that girl is ugly. She has black short hair and dresses slightly Goth. But man, SHE'S HOT!" Itachi said.

"Ha! You're not dating a cousin or a long-lost sister just to try to brag to me, are you?" Kisame asked.

"No. Atleast I don't think so… wait, no. Her last name is Ookami, and as far as I'm concerned, there have been no Ookami's in the Uchiha family. No, wait…" He said, and paused for a second. "Yeah, I think there's none of them."

Kisame looked at his partner. He noticed his cheeks were red and his mouth hung open stupidly.

"itachi, You've been drinking!" Kisame suddenly shouted.

Itachi pointed angrily at Kisame.

"Lies! You dare accuse me! I am SO offended!" Itachi shouted, and walked back to his room, fell halfway, and just dragged himself the rest of the way.

"Yep," Kisame said, "he's drunk."

Meanwhile, Zetsu was trying to find Itachi's mistletoe that he had thrown away. He still remembers it's last words, right before being dumped into the filth. "_help… me…"_

Zetsu shuddered. He had to find it. He lifted up the trash can and dumped it out, looking through it all.

Just then Konan walked in.

"Ugh, Zetsu, what are you doing?" She asked.

"Trying to find the mistletoe **Itachi threw away**." He said.

"Well, I'll tell you if I find it." She said, and walked out.

She looked at the front door. There was a little mistletoe, hanging perfectly in the middle.

"Is that it?" She asked loudly enough so that he could hear her.

Zetsu looked up, and there it was. _"Zetsu, Zetsu, here I am!"_ It shouted.

"Betsy!" Zetsu said . he ran up and snatched it off the doorway and ran to his room.

"Merry Christmas…" Konan said quietly.

In Tobi's room, he couldn't help but go crazy with excitement. 'Tommorow is Chirstmas Morning! I get lots of presents! Santa-kun comes tonight!' He glanced nervously at his alarm clock to make sure he would be asleep on time, so that Santa could arrive. It was 8:04. Santa came at 12:00 am. He still had four hours.

Just then, he remembered that EVERYONE had to be asleep when Santa came, or he wouldn't come!

"AAAH! ITACHI, KAKUZU, ZETSU, KISAME, KONAN, PAIN, DEIDARA, Hidan…., WE HAVE TO GO TO SLEEP! OH NO!" He shouted as he ran out the doorway.

Everyone except Tobi was in the living room (Why in the world do they have a living room?) and they were talking.

"I wonder where **Tobi is…" **Zetsu said.

"Zetsu, why is my mistletoe dressed up as Santa? I coulda swore I threw it out…" Itachi said.

"Well, I'm gonna hit the hay, g'night everyone." Hidan said, and he slowly reached for the door knob…

'Almost there, Tobi! Hurry! Every second counts!' Tobi told himself, as each yard between him and the door disappeared.

Hidan grabbed the doorknob.

Tobi flung himself at the door.

WHAM! The door flew open and Hidan was knocked into the wall.

"Everyone, we need to get to bed quick! Santa-kun is going to be here in four hou- oh, hello Hidan-kun." Tobi whimpered. He took one second to notice Hidan's bloody nose, then Tobi ran at a lightning spped pace into his room, where he slammed the door shut, then started locking the 15 locks that decorated the side of his door.

**Hey, he's in the Akatsuki, you'd probably do the same if you were in his position at the moment.**

Tobi then grabbed his sheets from his bed and crawled under it, covering himself once he was under.

He soon heard a stomping and very loud cussing rang out outside of his door.

"TOBI YOU _ OPEN THIS _ DOOR RIGHT NOW! Hidan shouted.

Tobi pulled the sheets closer to himself.

"Uh uh!" Tobi whimpered.

"TOBI YOU _ _ _ _, OPEN THE _ DOOR!"

Tobi hid further under his bed.

Suddenly he heard Pain talk to Hidan.

"Hidan, do we really have to go through this same process every year? Leave poor Tobi alone," he said.

"Oh no, I've had it with Tobi. I keep warning him, 'stay out of my sight' but every time, he just ends up doing something terrible to me!" Hidan said.

Tobi covered his mouth to keep from laughing. Hidan sounded like a small child whining about a sibling.

"Hidan-kun," Tobi said, "You sound just like a little kid!"

The reaction wasn't what Tobi was looking for. In Tobi's special little world, his reaction was:

**Hidan: Of course, Tobi-kun. I'm sorry for chasing you. Let's go have some cookies and go to sleep for Santa-kun.**

But that wasn't how it went down.

There was silence outside of his door. For a minute Tobi thought that that was exactly what Hidan was going to say, but sadly, no.

There was suddenly the sound of wood splintering, and Hidan's hand shot under the bed and grabbed Tobi.

Hidan held Tobi by the front of his dinosaur-pajamas so that they were face to face, then said in a menacing voice, "I've had it Tobi. I HAVE HAD IT. You can let your filthy cat have kittens on my bed, and you can slam the door in my face, but you just took it to a whole new level by calling me a kid. I'm going to kill you when you least expect it. I'll first flay you alive, then I'll tear out your eyes (the distant sound of Itachi's, "Hey, how'd he know?" rang in the kitchen), then I'll slowly kill you. I'll hang you over a fire place and let your blood stain the wood, then I'll tie you against a red-hot metal sword and slice off your limbs, one by one." He dropped Tobi and walked out the door. He paused tin the doorway and added slowly, "When you least expect it!"

Tobi shivered. Hidan-kun certainly was scary when he was angry.


	6. Dawn of the Dead and Egg Nog

**Hey everyone. I don't own Naruto, because if I did, Itachi would still be alive, Sasuke would be dead, Suigetsu would have a bigger part, and I'd be a character (mhu ha ha ha ha!). Please oh please review, anyone who reads this. I NEED MORE!**

**Okay, now on with the show.**

Itachi was lying on his bed because he couldn't sleep. Not because it was Christmas, he didn't really care if it was Christmas, but it was something else. He turned over and shut his eyes, concentrating on falling asleep.

That was an hour ago.

"EVERYONE! SANTA-KUN HAS ARRIVED WITH BIG PRESENTS! HURRY, HURRY!" Tobi's shouts echoed throughout the whole Akatsuki lair.

Itachi's blood shot eyes shot open and he looked warily at the clock. 4:03 A.M.

He hauled himself out of bed, knowing that there was now absolutely no chance of falling asleep again between Tobi's shouts, Hidan's swearing, Kisame's need for coffee (Kisame: things get cccrrraaazzzyyy when I don't have my coffee in the mornings…), and Dawn of the Dead playing loudly on the flat screen TV.

No one ever knew why Dawn of the Dead was always put in at Christmas time. Three Christmas's ago, when everyone was opening presents and drinking egg nog, they suddenly heard a scream. At first, Kakuzu said that it was probably just Hidan performing another sacrifice, but Hidan angrily called him several, rather nasty words for not noticing that he was standing right next to him. They all went into the kitchen to discover Dawn of the Dead playing. That next year, Deidara put it in just for fun, but then the next year it was serious, with many recommendations of playing it. So they did, and that's what was probably going to happen this year also.

Itachi walked out into the hall way, greeted by a very tired Kisame. Kisame yawned loudly, than greeted him. He had dark bags under his eyes.

"The Tobster is going at it earlier than usual, eh?" Kisame asked warily.

Itachi nodded, and they both walked out into the living room.

"Itachi-kun, what do you think this one is?" Tobi asked excitedly, shaking a large present decorated with bright red paper with bells on it.

Itachi shrugged and said, "Tobi, I don't really know, and I don't really care."

There was a long silence, and the only sounds were of Tobi picking up present.

Soon Tobi had created a neat pile for himself of all his presents.

Tobi looked at the tag on one of the presents outside of his pile.

"Itachi-kun, this one's for you. Who's Alicia?" he asked.

Itachi stopped dead in his tracks. He had dated an Alicia a few years back.

"Gimme it, Tobi," he said. Tobi handed the present to itachi.

Itachi opened it. There was a large decorated card inside. When he opened it, it started singing a love song from the 60's.

"How the heck was this delivered here?" Itachi asked, looking at Kisame.

"it's magic, Itachi-kun! Santa-kun must've known!" Tobi said, rapidly jumping up and down.

There was a small pause.

"Ok, Tobi. Listen. There comes a time in every persons life that they've got to man up, and face the truth," Kisame started.

Tobi looked innocently at Kisame.

"Now I know that… Well, I know that you believe Santa is real… but, well, he actually isn't-"

Suddenly something hit him hard on the back of the head.

"Ow, what the-"

"Don't believe Kisame, Tobi," Konan said, walking into the kitchen and unrolling a newspaper from it's former, baseball bat-like shape, "he's just joking, aren't you, Kisame?"

Kisame looked at Konan, than rubbed the back of his head. "Umm, yeah, heh heh!"

Itachi threw the card on the floor and smashed it, then walked into the kitchen, ignoring the shocked look Tobi gave him.

Pretty soon the other Akatsuki members had woken up and walked into the living room and kitchen.

"C'mon, someone pour me a cup of egg-"

"Hidan, how 'bout instead of sitting on your butt getting fat, you go and pour yourself some, for a change," Konan said angrily, filling up her cup again.

Hidan glared angrily at Konan, than got up.

"'TBELIEVEIT! A penguin! Santa-kun did it again!" Tobi cried happily, holding up a stuffed penguin.

"Yep…" Deridara said, picking up his two presents that he'd gotten.

He walked into the kitchen and opened the smaller one.

It was a bag of clay, and a sticky note on it that said, "Merry Christmas, you fat lard"

Deidara's eyes widened and he shoved the note back into the box. He looked around for any guilty faces, but saw none.

"Ok, who's the wise guy who gave me this one?" Deidara said, showing the note to the others.

Hidan burst out laughing, Kisame put a hand over his mouth and looked like he was about to explode with laughter, Zetsu grinned, Itachi also, so on, so on.

"Come on, I want to know!" Deridara said angrily.

"That's pure gold, right there…" Hidan said, looking back at the TV, grinning.

Deidara sighed.

Suddenly they heard a scream from the living room.

Zetsu walked into the room.

"Tobi, **what's wrong**?" he asked.

"Oh Zetsu-kun! It's terrible! Santa-kun is so mean!" Tobi said, showing Zetsu the note.

It said, "Merry Christmas, you little idiot"

Zetsu took the note and walked back into the kitchen.

"Anyone know who **wrote this? It was on one of **Tobi's presents." he asked.

They all looked at the note, then back at the TV. Kakuzu was the only on to reply, and it was just a shrug.

Soon the joke had gotten out of hand. Everyone received an insulting note in their presents. Since Hidan hadn't gotten a present, his was on his scythe.

They could tell they were going to be in for an interesting time to try to find the note-writer.

**da-da-da-daaa, da-da-da-daaaaaaaaa! Okay, I'll have next chapter out sometime in the very near future. Sorry to leave you hanging… :D**


	7. The Pretender

**c'mon people, I respect the two people who commented on my writing (Mr. Goddy two shoes, you don't count, sorry), but I need more reviews. SO HIT THAT REVIEW BUTTON WHEN YOU FINISH READING THIS CHAPTER, OH YEAH!**

**Anyway, here's chapter 7. Yays!**

Deidara dragged his feet back to his room. He felt extremely depressed after what the note had called him.

"Fat lard?..." he mumbled, "There's a reason I go to the gym… Last time I checked I was 138 pound, that's 40 less pounds then the average man is…"

Tobi ran through the halls happily. He had obviously forgotten about what the note had called him.

"Hello Deidara-senpai!" he shouted as he ran past Deidara, who was fumbling through his keys.

Once he went through them, he noticed that he didn't see his room key.

He went through them again. And again. Still no key.

Agitated that he had been called a fat lard, and that he had lost his only room key, he followed Tobi to see if Tobi knew where it was.

He opened Tobi's door and saw a mass of presents covering the floor.

"Tobi, have you seen my key?" he asked, trying to ignore how many Tobi had.

Tobi looked up.

"You're room key, Deidara-senpai? I saw Kakuzu and Hidan with it,"

Deidara ran out and dashed down the halls. He finally found Kakuzu, but not Hidan.

"Where's Hidan?" Deidara asked.

"Hidan? He went out to buy himself a couple of beers, why?"

"What the heck did you guys do with my key?" he asked.

"Gave it to Zetsu," Kakuzu said, than he took out some money from his pocket, "Christmas really brings in some loot."

But by that time Deidara was running down another hall.

He found Zetsu in the kitchen talking to a flower.

"Zetsu, gimme my key," Deidara said, holding out his hand.

Zetsu looked up.

"Kakuzu told me you didn't want it anymore." he said.

"You believed Kakuzu? Just tell me where it is," Deidara said.

"I gave it to Tobi just now."

Deidara sighed in exasperation and ran off to find Tobi.

"Tobi!" Deidara shouted as he flung open Tobi's door.

Tobi looked up. "Yes Deidara-senpai?"

"Give me my key, or did you go and give it to someone else?"

"I don't have your key Deidara-senpai, no one gave it to me," Tobi said innocently.

Deidara knew Tobi wouldn't lie to him, so he stalked out of the room and prepared to give everyone involved in the key-napping a piece of his mind.

He stepped outside of Tobi's room, and in an explosion of cream and crust, a Boston cream pie was thrown mercilessly into his face.

Deidara, in a menacingly slowly pace, ran his hand down his face, getting most of the pie off. He felt a small piece of metal, and picked it up. It was his key. There was an extremely small piece of paper tied to it. He unraveled the paper. On it wrote, "Have a very merry Christmas, fat lard. Love, The Pretender"

Tobi ran out to see what had happened.

"Tobi," Deidara said, knowing any second he was going to lose it, "go back inside of your room,"

Tobi knew Deidara meant serious business, and immediately ran back inside to the safety of his room, and closed the door and locked every lock, then thanked God that it was Deidara instead of Hidan this time.


	8. The Pretender Strikes Again

**I had a lot of fun writing this chapter. Hidan deserved it after what he said to Tobi... :D Also, I wanted to say, I got the name, "The Pretender" thanks to a song by Foo Fighters and the other one by Datarock. Datarock's has hilarious lyrics, and the Foo Fighter's is really cool. Just wanted to say, there's no relation to the two of them, only the fact that there called, "The Pretender".  
**

**Lol, anyway, here it is.**

**The Pretender strikes again...**

Hidan walked in late that night. He had come up with a perfect excuse to stay out of the lair the whole time. He set his Bud Light down onto the counter and opened one. He had actually been at the beach, and found many dates. He then resided to a speed dating session. He had managed to date 21 girls in eight hours.

"Where were you?" Kakuzu asked, walking into the kitchen.

"Buying beer, I told you," he said, then opened the fridge and pretended to scan it for something to eat. The truth was, he just wanted to avoid questions.

"For eight hours?" Kakuzu asked, taking a beer for himself.

Hidan looked at Kakuzu, clearly annoyed. "You have to pick the right brand, you know!"

Kakuzu rolled his eyes and walked away.

Like I told you before, it was late at night, and because it was late at night, it was dark, so Hidan didn't notice that, hidden behind his favorite ice cream (Hidan: Seriously, why does liking ice cream make me sound like an idiot?), was a spring-loaded marshmallow shooter. He didn't notice that, or the flamethrower that was duck taped to the fan, or the pillows filled with puny bombs in the mini catapult to the side of the fridge, or the syrup in a bucket tied to the ceiling. He didn't notice any of it.

Hidan reached in and picked up the ice cream container, which set off the trap.

BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM!

The marshmallows hit him like a machine gun.

It didn't hurt Hidan, only scare the living heck out of him

"What the-"

Then, set up perfectly, a marshmallow hit the trigger to the flame thrower.

WHOOOOOOOOOOSH!

A huge wall of flames came out and hit Hidan, melting the marshmallows.

"Ow! Who the-"

Then, the flames barely touched the string that tied the catapult's launcher to the ground, but it still burnt it, which weakened the string. The string broke, then threw pillows straight at Hidan. The flame had also touched the pillows, which had the extremely small bombs inside of them. The bombs burst in mid air, breaking open the pillows covering, sending feathers all over Hidan. One of the pillows was thrown at an odd angle, though. It didn't have a bomb in it. It hit the bucket of extremely thick syrup, which then poured itself all over the top of Hidan's head.

The pillow then landed perfectly on the center of his head, where the syrup had just been poured.

A note flew down and landed in front of Hidan's feet. It said, "You just got Pretended, merry Christmas. Love, The Pretender"

"What… The… _!" he screamed.

**Humor makes up for how short it is, right?**


	9. Fish Scales and Chomper

**Ugh, they just keep getting shorter... it's 10:00 at night... Things get crazy at 10:00 PM... Like partying with your poodle, and jamming out to Smash Mouth... I'm going off the deep end! XD**

Kisame walked down a hall to his room. He was tired of being nagged by Deidara to try to find out who this Pretender guy was.

He opened his door and lay his sword to the side of his bed, then laid down.

He looked at his pet piranha, Chomper.

Or at least wanted to. Chomper's bowl was empty.

"Chomper!" Kisame shouted, then got up to look for him.

His head hit something hard, and he looked up.

He was immediately blinded by a mirror that had a flashlight hitting it. He stumbled backwards, grabbing at the door knob. Since his vision was currently all black, he didn't notice the duck taped facing upwards on the handle with a piece of string that had super glue on the end of it. His hand stuck to the door, which resulted in the string sticking to his hand, then pulled his hand away at the feeling of something sticky. He tripped over his sword, which resulted in pulling the string, which turned on the fan, which started sending gallons of super glue across his room, soon followed by fish scales. But these weren't regular fish scales, these were month old fish scales that were scaled from rotting fish, than soaked in seagull poo.

"What the _ smells?" Kisame shouted, regaining his vision.

He saw his nightmares come true.

Millions of fish scales were thrown across the room, all landing on super glue that was in piles somewhere.

He noticed a note that was sticking to a gloop of sticky glue on one of his walls. He got up and took it off and read it.

_You just got pretended! I hope it was a terrible experience. Your fish is currently swimming in the sewers of New York, and has most likely been eaten by a sewage gator, 30 feet long. Have a good rest of the day!_

_ With Love,_

_ The Pretender_


	10. The Unfinished Note

**Okay, I swear that this is going to be the last super short chapter. Woo hoo!**

Konan walked into her room, but almost immediately knew something was wrong.

Something was burning.

She screamed as she noticed that, near her bed, was a very big pile of paper being burned.

"Oh no!" she shouted, and ran over to put it out. When she got to it though, something was even more wrong.

She watched the fire burn. Every once in a while she noticed a glare, and she didn't have glasses.

She reached forward and touched the fire. Instead of burning her hand, it was a cool, smooth mirror. Then she noticed a figure behind the fire, and she also noticed that there was a large pan beneath the fire. She looked in the opposite direction and saw someone suddenly disappear through the doorway, taking the pan with the fire with him.

She got up and walked toward where the figure was previously standing. She then found a sticky note, that wasn't yet finished.

_You've been pretended! I have burned your paper. I hope it wasn't a good experience, watching it burn and knowing there was nothing you could do about it. Anyway, have a great day!_

_ With Love,_

_ The Pr_

And the rest was left unfinished.

"Actually," thought Konan, "I CAN do something about it, Pretender…"


	11. Meeting

**Soon the Pretender's identity will be revealed! Mhu ha ha ha ha ha ha! Also, I need one girl OOC to be itachi's girlfriend, anyone willing to give me one?**

**What I need:**

**Eye color**

**Hair color**

**Usual clothing (Try to make it darker and more mysterious, sort of like Itachi) [This category also means shoes)**

**Attitude**

**main Weapon(s)  
**

**Ok, thanks! Now on with the show.**

The next morning, Pain had called a meeting.

Hidan stomped in and took his seat. No one dared look him in the eye, because the last one who did (The unlucky Kakuzu) almost got his head chopped off. Hidan had narrowly missed, so narrowly, that it chopped off the top part of his hat thingy, and when Kakuzu looked in the mirror several minutes later, he found his hair (**Yes, for the sake of this story, I'm going to say he has hair so you can get the point) **was completely cut off on the top of his head. It was so short; it made him look like he had gotten a shave that had gone wrong.

Hidan glared angrily at Deidara, who returned his glare.

"You wanna go, Deidara?" Hidan snarled.

Deidara suddenly noticed the position he was in, but didn't give in.

"Yeah, and what are you gonna do about it?" Deidara shot back.

Hidan's scythe suddenly flew out of nowhere and landed right next to Deidara's head.

"Umm, never mind…" he said meekly.

"I thought so," Hidan muttered.

Kisame stormed into the room, and then looked around the two rows of Akatsuki members, looking for any guilty faces.

He saw Tobi start fidgeting uncomfortably in his chair as soon as Kisame looked at him.

"IT WAS YOU, TOBI! HOW DARE YOU!" Kisame shouted, and he tackled the poor orange masked man.

"TOBI DIDN'T DO IT, TOBI SWEARS! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Tobi shouted as Kisame hit him to the floor.

"TRAITOR!" Deidara shouted, pointing his finger at Tobi, who was struggling to not die from the enraged shark man.

"I ALWAYS KNEW HE WAS PLANNING SOMETHING AGAINST ME!" Hidan shouted as he, too, pounced onto the helpless Tobi.

The other Akatsuki members watched helplessly from the sidelines.

"YOU'RE GOING TO BE DEAD MEAT WHEN I'M THREW WITH YOU!" Hidan shouted as he tried to get a hold of Tobi's head.

"TOBI DIDN'T DO IT! 'TTTTTTTTTTTTT DDDDDDDDDDDDOOOOOOOOOOO IIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTT!" Tobi screamed helplessly.

"Stop it, you two!" Konan shouted as she and Pain walked in.

The two members slowly stopped, but both glared angrily at Tobi.

Deidara frowned as he realized he hadn't joined the fight.

"He did it though, Konan! He acted really suspicious when I looked at him!" Kisame shouted.

"Ok, how would you act if someone was looking for revenge and stared at you for a long time?" Konan asked.

Kisame glared at Konan and sat down, followed by Hidan and soon Tobi, who sunk very low into his seat, avoiding Kisame, Hidan, and Deidara's glares.

"The Pretender's jokes have gone too far," Pain started.

"I think we already know that!" Hidan shouted.

"Hidan, shut up. Now, like I said before, his jokes have gone too far, and even cost a life,"

Kisame sniffed as he thought of Chomper, and Zetsu pat him on the back.

"Now, we are currently on the verge of finding out who this Pretender person is, because we found his unfinished note on the ground when Konan spotted him." Pain said, showing the note.

"When I saw him for a split second, I noticed he had black hair," Konan said.

"Not much help…" Deidara muttered.

"That rules out Deidara, Hidan, Pain, and me. Itachi, Zetsu, Kisame, and Tobi, you're all the main suspects."

Kisame's mouth dropped open.

"ME? I was pranked! Why would I be a suspect?" he said angrily.

Konan thought this over a minute.

"Yes, you WERE pranked, but you could have planned this out, also, so you're still a suspect." she said.

"That is NOT fair!" he said angrily.

"It is too fair, non-suspects, is it fair?"

Everyone on the innocent (or, at least in this case) side nodded.

"That still isn't fair, Pain, when you formed this organization, you said everyone would be treated as equals!"

"What? I did?" Pain asked.

"I think so…" Kisame said quietly, sitting back in his chair.

"Off with you all, me and Pain have plans." Konan said, pointing towards the door.

Everyone got up, and Tobi screamed and ran toward his room when he heard Hidan grinned and muttered, "I wonder what type of plans…"


	12. The Wicked Tooth Fairy

**Sorry, this one's short too. I love the comments, keep em' coming! Thank you!**

Kakuzu happily walked into his room, knowing that he was off of suspicion.

"Those fools never even suspected me of being The Pretender…" he thought, and he opened his suit case of cash and started counting.

It was good to see the fury in his team mates' eyes, Hidan especially. He had planned out each prank carefully, making sure it would work in advance. He was very, VERY glad he had worn that wig that looked just like Itachi's hair (It was a joke when he first got it).

At that moment, something he hadn't expected happened. When he hit his 100th dollar, tooth paste splattered out of it.

"What the heck?" he shouted. He dropped his money, but then noticed on a dollar bill, that there was writing.

_Good job trying to hide your cover, Pretender. Let this be the beginning of a war. I already have several recruits._

_ With the sincerest of love,_

_ The Wicked Tooth Fairy_

Kakuzu stared at the dollar bill in surprise and anger.

He gritted his teeth. If it's a war the Wicked Tooth Fairy wants, it's a war the wicked Tooth Fairy will get. Time to get recruits.


	13. Enter: The Pretender's Second Assistant

Deidara was getting more and more scared. Sure, he had joined Wicked Tooth Fairy's team, but what good did that do him when he was alone?

He opened his door and walked in. He got out his clay and lay down on his bed, messing around with it to see what other creatures he could create (Mhu ha ha ha ha, I'll make a dragon to eat Tobi).

Then he heard a noise. At first he ignored it, but then it got louder and louder, and son their were multiple noises.

He got up and looked under his bed.

There were two, cute, innocent looking bunnies.

"Awww!" Deidara couldn't help saying, as he reached down and picked them up. He set them on his bed, and was about to pet one, when it suddenly took out a machine gun (**author's note: If your wondering why I always use machine guns, I just think they're cool, like how fast they can shoot and stuff.)**, then the second one took out one, also. They both pointed their guns at Deidara.

"Oooooo, how scary. What are you gonna do, shoot me?"

Oh, how he wishes he hadn't said that.

There was the sound of a small pop, and several small black bullets, each about the size of a grain of sand, hit Deidara in the check.

"Ow! Hey!"

But it was too late.

Small bullets filled the air, all of them hitting Deidara. You may laugh, but imagine being hit by hundreds of bullets, all about the size of a grain of sand. It probably hurts.

Deidara shouted as he jumped off his bed and ran towards his door. Once he was on the other side, he slammed the door, and then ran. He looked back to see the rabbits squeezing under his door, and then follow him, both shooting at him.

He bumped into Tobi as he ran towards the kitchen.

"Deidara-senpai, what's wrong?" Tobi asked as he ran by.

"Killer rabbits!" Deidara shouted.

He looked back again and saw the rabbits pass Tobi and fire at him. Tobi screamed and ran back into his room.

Deidara ran into the kitchen, and then threw open the fridge and jumped in. It was VERY, VERY CRAMPED.

He heard popping outside of the fridge. Deidara gulped, but then noticed the sticky note on the inside of the fridge door, facing him.

_So you're on Wicked Tooth Fairy's team, eh? Good luck trying to not die._

_ With Love,_

_ The Pretender's Second Assistant_


	14. Enter: Assistants 1, 3, and 4

**Thanks to my several reviewers for always reviewing. It's nice checking your email and seeing the new reviews for my chapters. Thank you, it means a lot to me.**

***Also, this chapter takes place before the previous chapter. **

The Pretender was Kakuzu, and his team all knew it. At the moment, his team included Zetsu, Tobi, Itachi, and Kumori (Itachi's girlfriend).

Kumori grinned as she walked into the kitchen, holding two small rabbits.

"Meet Killer and Filler," she said, holding the two rabbits up proudly.

"Filler? I understand Killer, but Filler?" Kakuzu asked, studying the two, innocent-looking rabbits.

"Well, Killer's original partner, Shredder, got it when he surprised a shinobi. I told him not to, and that he'd regret it, but nope… So anyway, I then got another one and trained it. Since he's replacing Shredder, he's Filler."

"Ooo, can I pet them?" Tobi asked.

"No," Kumori said.

Tobi looked at the ground.

"Good, put them in Deidara's room under his bed, tell them to look innocent. Then let them attack." Kakuzu said.

Kumori grinned and left for Deidara's room.

Itachi walked in right when Kumori walked out.

"She's pretty amazing, eh? I bet you're jealous…" Itachi said, "there's only one girl in the entire world that can breed innocent rabbits into vicious monsters, and it's her. God, am I ever lucky."

Kumori walked back in. "Done," she said proudly.

"Very good," Kakuzu said.

"Hey, Tobi, I wouldn't want to be out when you here Deidara scream, got it? These rabbits'll tear you apart limb from limb." Kumori said.

Tobi nodded.

"Kumori, since you're so experienced with animals, you'll be known as the Pretender's First Assistant, or also Killer Bunny. Itachi, you'll be known as the Pretender's Second Assistant, or also, Lord Bunny the Second. Zetsu, you'll be the Pretender's Third Assistant, or Bug Spray. Tobi, you'll be the Pretender's Assistant's Apprentice, and you'll be Bob."

They all nodded.

"Heh heh, let the war begin," Kakuzu said.


	15. The Prisoner of War

**thanks to everyone who keeps reviewing, it's greatly appreciated. It's really nice opening up your email and seeing the latest reviews for my story. Thank you all!**

Kisame and Hidan had rarely ever looked at one another as equals, much less partners. But, it was what the Wicked Tooth Fairy wanted.

"Hidan, if you touch my hand again, I swear, I'm gonna cut off your head," Kisame snarled as Hidan tried desperately to keep the box from touching the ground.

"It's not my fault, Fish Head! And not if I get to your head first!" Hidan said angrily.

They stopped near a toilet. The plan was to clog up the toilet, then dump several jars of peanut butter in. To someone who didn't know that it was peanut butter, it looked like the world's fattest man had just tooken a dump, but to team Wicked Tooth Fairy, it was pure genius.

"Fish Head, you clog it up. You're better at water than I am." Hidan said, lowering the box.

Kisame was about o argue, then decided not to. He grabbed a wad of toilet paper, and threw it in. But then, something swam out from under the sinking toilet paper.

"CHOMPER!" Kisame screamed as he reached in and pulled out the piranha, "I thought I'd never see you again! My God, you've gotten a heck of a lot bigger, haven't you?"

Kisame sounded like a worried mother. Hidan stared in disgust at the two. Then he noticed Chomper's gills were starting to flap furiously, and the fish wiggled.

"Huh? Oh, sorry," Kisame said as he put the fish back into the water.

"Hidan, you handle the toilet, I'll be back in a minute." Kisame said.

"What? But Wicked Tooth F-"

"Only a minute, sheesh, you worry too much," Kisame said. He scooped up the piranha again and ran out of the bathroom, faster than Hidan had ever seen him go.

"Okay, but keep in mind, I'm keeping you to your word! One minute!" Hidan shouted after him.

Hidan started clogging the toilet again, but there was an eerie silence around him.

Hidan glanced up nervously, then started whistling. Since he was slightly frightened, his pitch was getting messed up, which only added to the scary atmosphere.

"Maybe I should get a fish too," Hidan thought as heput another toilet paper roll into the toilet, then stood on the mound and started jumping top try to force it down more, "I could get an *alligator gar, and it could constantly be chasing Tobi."

Suddenly there was the sound of nails scratching into chalk.

Hidan's head jerked up, and he immediately shut the bathroom door quietly.

Hidan nervously put another roll into the toilet.

"It's ok, Hidan," he whispered to himself, "it's ok. The… sink's probably m-m-m-m-messed up right now…"

Kisame suddenly crawled beneath the stall door.

Hidan immediately regained his composure and said, "Dud, Kisame, did you hear that outside of the door?"

Kisame looked at him.

"No, what was-"

Suddenly the screeching sounded again.

Hidan looked nervously at Kisame, and saw him mouth the words, "oh crud,"

Hidan instinctively jumped onto the toilet and stood up straight. His plan? If the thing was looking under the stalls for feet, it would find Kisame's feet, and immediately launch itself at him. While it was tearing Kisame to shreds, that would give Hidan a few seconds to make a break for it.

Kisame must've been thinking the same thing, just the opposite way.

"Hidan, how about you get down to see what that speck on the stall door is-"

"Oh no, Kisame, I'm no fool," Hidan whispered.

Kisame looked at him in pure disgust, then said, "You idiot, you better get-"

!

Kisame looked at the door and shuddered, then crawled onto the toilet with Hidan.

There was the sound of claws against the floor, and it got closer to where the two Akatsuki members were hiding.

Hidan had never felt all that scared in his life, but right now he felt cornered and terrified. He felt like one of the victims in a horror movie, watching the killer raise the chain saw above his head, ready to bring it down upon the cowering victim, who, at the moment, was Hidan.

Hidan backed up against the wall, his feet slipping on the toilet.

The raking of claws got closer and closer, until it was right outside of the stall.

Suddenly, Hidan knew he wasn't going to go down without a fight.

He grabbed Kisame's arm and whispered frantically, "Kisame, fight. I'll fight too; think about it, would you rather be killed cowering like a child, or fighting like a man?"

Kisame stared at Hidan, then nodded.

The two quietly pulled out there weapons, and Hidan poked his foot out, and prepared to kick the door open.

Hidan pulled his foot back, preparing to kick it open. The creature outside shrieked.

WHAM! The door flew open, hitting the creature outside.

Hidan looked back at Kisame, and saw that he had grabbed his sword and was running toward the creature, too.

At the same time, both Akatsuki members hit the creature.

"Ow!" someone said inside.

Hidan immediately recognized the voice. He stopped and looked at Kisame, who had stopped too.

"Looks like we've got ourselves a prisoner," Hidan said, grinning.

"Yeah," Kisame agreed.

They both reached into the costume of the creature that they had been hiding from just seconds ago, and pulled out their new prisoner of war.


	16. Silly String and Marshmallow Guns

**Sorry this whole Pretender thing is taking so many chapters, I'm trying to finish it up, because there's one last episode in this story after the Pretender and Wicked Tooth Fairy. Thank you all for your support! Now the question is, Team Wicked Tooth Fairy, or Team Pretender?**

"Look who we've caught!" Hidan shouted as he walked into the Wicked Tooth Fairy's lair.

Wicked Tooth Fairy, in full disguise, turned around and grinned. They had caught Deidara.

"Lock him up, we've got work to do." The Wicked Tooth Fairy said.

Hidan nodded, and dragged a knocked out Deidara into the other room.

The other members watched as the Wicked Tooth Fairy sat down, and soon Hidan walked back in and sat down.

"We've been called to battle," the Wicked Tooth Fairy said, "the Pretender has sent me several letters over the past one week, and he has demanded a battle. So, as the Fang Fairies," (This was the Wicked Tooth Fairy's minions, aka Hidan, Kisame, and Konan) "you are to proudly and fearlessly run head first into a battle."

"What type of battle?" Kisame asked.

"A Silly String battle." Wicked Tooth Fairy said.

There was silence.

"A what?" Hidan asked.

"A Silly String battle." Wicked Tooth Fairy repeated.

Hidan shook his head.

"That's truly pathetic. A Silly String battle? We aren't nine years old! How about guns, knives, grenades, that's the type of battle we need."

"He's got a point," Kisame said.

"Are you disobeying my orders?" Wicked Tooth Fairy asked.

Hidan fidgeted with his fingers, and Kisame looked down.

"Maybe," Kisame murmured.

"We will go to war with Silly String and marshmallow guns!"!" Wicked Tooth Fairy said, rising in his chair.

"Who said anything about marshmallow guns-"

"Let the battle begin!"


	17. The War

**Hey everyone! I'm glad you all like this story! Happy reading!**

**Hugs and Kisses (no, sorry, not really),**

**Lost Meaning  
**

**Hidan: **Hidan watched as the black and red haired girl that claimed to be Itachi's girlfriend ran out of the room. She had war paint all over her face. She held up her marshmallow gun and looked around.

Then she spotted Hidan.

She screamed loudly as she pointed her gun at him and fired.

What Hidan expected was soft marshmallows to hit him, and not even leave a mark. But instead, there were hard, little gray objects.

"What the heck are these?" he shouted as he raised his arms in defense.

"Rocks!" Kumori shouted, then she stopped and ran away. Hidan looked at all the rocks scattered around his feet, and he picked them all up and loaded his gun with them.

**Tobi: **Meanwhile, Tobi was running wildly throught the halls, spraying anyone that came near him with Silly String. He aimed for the head, and mainly the hair. **(Silly String gets all tangled up with your hair, especially if you shoot directly at it. It's a pain trying to get it out.) **So when he shot Itachi by accident, he really regretted it.

"Tobi, what the heck are you doing?" Itachi shouted as To0bi pounced at him with the Silly String bottle going full-throttle.

Tobi paused. "Sorry Itachi-senpai, I didn't know it was you!"

Itachi pointed his gun in Tobi's direction. "This'll make us even,"

Marshmallows hit Tobi at a lightning-fast speed. Tobi screamed and fell, and Itachi ran away laughing.

**Kakuzu: **Kakuzu climbed easily up the air vent, and watched as Zetsu walked right under him. Kakuzu raised the silly string, and fired. It hit Zetsu, and Zetsu didn't even bother looking up. He just ran away.

Kakuzu laughed and crawled through the maze of air vents.

**Kisame: **Kisame watched as Kumori looked desperately through her gun for any more ammo.

"You wouldn't dare shoot!" she shouted as he raised his gun.

"Oh, I would," Kisame said, and he pulled the trigger. Kumori went down in a storm of marshmallows, and Kisame decided to have a little fun.

"Itachi told me to do that!" he shouted as he put the gun back in its holster.

Kumori looked up. "WHAT?"

Kisame nodded, "Oh yes, he told me that he's had enough of you, and for me to fire at you and tell you the truth,"

"B-but we had something special… He even said that…" she murmured.

"Oh no, he told me that he couldn't take you anymore, and that you're just like all other girls."

Kumori suddenly looked utterly defeated. She lied back on the ground and gripped her knees, and started crying.

"One down," Kisame said, "four more to go,"

**Hidan: **Hidan ran through the halls, with his gun fully loaded with rocks. He then spotted his target.

"Hey Weasel Face!" Hidan shouted.

Itachi looked over in his direction and raised his gun and can of silly string.

"You don't stand a chance!" Hidan shouted. Hidan raised his gun and opened fire, and Itachi actually immediately went down.

"What the… That's it, you're just going down without a fight?" Hidan asked as he approached the body on the floor.

Then he saw that one rock had hit him in the stomach, and he was bleeding.

Hidan laughed and put his gun back into his holster, then walked away and shouted, "That was for Jashin-sama!"

**Zetsu: **Zetsu ran through the halls, desperate to find at least on good target. Then he spotted Deidara.

"Where have you been?" he asked, walking towards the yellow haired Akatsuki member.

But suddenly, the figure turned around, and Zetsu saw something that he had never thought he'd see in the lair.

Justin Beiber was standing there.

**I'd love to see your face right now...**


	18. Status of War: Halfway Through

**I love writing this story...**

**I don't own anything.**

**On with the show.**

**Seriously.**

**Here we go.**

**Riiiiiiiiiiggggghhhhhhtttt...**

**Now- *Is cut off rudely***

**Status: Team Wicked Tooth Fairy –**

**Hidan – still standing**

**Kisame – still standing**

**Konan – still standing**

**Wicked Tooth Fairy – still standing**

**Status: Team Pretender – **

**Deidara – still standing**

**Kumori – unconscious **

**Zetsu – still standing**

**Tobi – still standing**

**Itachi – hurt, but not unconscious**

**Kakuzu (the Pretender) – still standing**

Zetsu screamed and started running, but was immediately pelted with marshmallows, and he collapsed in a large, overflowing pile.

"What the-" Hidan muttered, peering out from the air vent. He had hidden away in there in hopes of catching an unsuspecting victim.

He saw Kakuzu on the other side of it, with the muzzle of his gun barely popping out of the other air vent.

"Way to go with that apparition, Itachi." Kakuzu said, and a dark figure disappeared down a hall.

"Itachi?" Hidan thought, "but I finished him off back there,"

Hidan raised his gun slowly, and as soon as the gun started coming back, he fired.

"What the heck?" Kakuzu shouted. The air vent suddenly gave way, and Kakuzu fell.

Hidan laughed maniacally and jumped out of his side of the air vent, then released fire on Kakuzu.

"Hidan, how could you? I thought we were friends!" Kakuzu shouted.

"Not now we aren't! This is a war!" Hidan shouted. He soon ran out of ammo and then filled his gun up with rocks. He released fire, and, after several seconds, the Pretender was out of the game.

"Hidan is victorious once again!" Hidan shouted, raising his gun into the air, "I'd like to see anyone else try to amount to anything even NEAR what I just did, !" Hidan shouted.

**Itachi: **Itachi ran through the halls watching for his next victim. He had been helped thanks to Tobi (despite what Itachi had done to him), and now he was still up and running.

Soon he spotted Kisame.

"Watch out, Kisame! You're dead meat!" Itachi shouted, and he raised his silly string.

Kisame turned around and put his hands behind his head in surrender, but then saw that itachi was only wielding silly string.

"Correction, YOU'RE dead meat," Kisame said, raising his silly string.

They both opened fire at the same time in an explosion of blue and green silly string.

"Is that all you've got?" Itachi shouted as he neared Kisame, never taking his thumb off of the trigger.

"Not even close!" Kisame shouted back.

**(Just like in a movie,)** Kisame threw the can of silly string, and took out his gun. In midair, Kisame shot it, making it explode.

The explosion hit Itachi, and sent him flying backwards into the wall.

Kisame smiled and blew off the tip of his gun, than put if back into his holster.

**Konan: **Konan had never really wanted to get involved in this stupid game. So she went and hid in Kumori's closet.

Yes, out of all the closets she could've chosen, she chose Kumori's. Why Kumori's? Because she was afraid of what she'd find if she had hidden in Kisame's, Hidan's, Itachi's, Kakuzu's, or Deidara's. She wasn't really afraid of Tobi's closet, but still, she thought it would've been safer to hide in a GIRL'S closet.

But it seemed like Konan's luck had run out when Kumori opened the door, ready to strike down her Itachi shrine she had built up.

"Who *sniff sniff* are you?" she screamed when she opened the door and found the blue haired girl.

**"**Konan," Konan said, preparing for any blows Kumori would try to deliver.

"A-*sniff* at least you're a girl, maybe you'd understand my story," Kumori sobbed.

Konan immediately saw the advantage in this offer, and took advantage of it.

"Yes, yes! Tell me your story, maybe it'll cheer you up," Konan said.

So Kumori and Konan sat on Kumori's bed, and Kumori told Konan what Kisame had said.

"Hmm, well, I DID notice that Itachi was acting up around you… Maybe he DIDN'T like you after all," Konan said thoughtfully.

"Y-y-you r-really think s-so?" Kumori asked, on the verge of a total breakdown.

"Yes, I'm sorry Kumori. You know the best thing to do for this though? Go get Itachi and give him a piece of your mind." Konan said, patting Kumori on the back and getting up.

"Y-you know what? Y-y-your right! I'll do that r-right now!" Kumori said, getting up also.

Konan then left, pleased that she had done people on both sides a favor.

**Kumori:**

Kumori wasn't called Kumori for a reason. Shadows were actually her friends, and she could sink into them and control them as much as she pleased. That really came in handy for what she was planning on doing to Itachi.

She did several hand symbols in front of her own dark shadow, and soon she was sinking into it like quicksand. Soon she was traveling through the shadow world, and skipping every portal until she came across Itachi's shadow.

**(Okay, my imagination is really taking off right now, portals are like every shadow she passes, because she can appear only in another shadow. The shadow world is just a big black room, where she can choose where she wants to come up on, yeah, I know I'm crazy, :)**

She came back up through his shadow, and shouted, "You suck!"

Itachi whirled around and saw her.

"Kumori, baby! What's up?" he asked.

"Kisame told me what you told him to do! You suck! I can't believe I trusted you!" she snarled.

"Kisame?" Itachi thought, but suddenly he was interrupted by Kumori kicking him where it really counts with her steel-toed combat boots..

"Kumori, what the *Bleep* did you do that for?" Itachi shouted, falling to the ground.

"Because you're a stuck up, ***For the sake of the rating, the rest of the sentence is censored***!" Kumori shouted.

"What?" itachi shouted.

"Yeah, you heard me right!" Kumori shouted, kicking him again than leaving.

"Kumori, you little…" Itachi said, than blacked out.


	19. Status of War: Threequarters through

**Hey, everyone. Do any of you think you could read my other stories? Thanks. Sorry I haven't been on top of these lately, school suddenly went crazy for me, emotionally, mentally, (is that the same as emotionally?), and physically. Ouch. So here's the third quarter of the war, and it's almost finished. Who will win? Who will lose? Who will get the living crap kicked out of them? Thanks everyone, for reading this! **

**Status: Team Wicked Tooth Fairy:**

**Hidan – still standing (and loving the war)**

**Kisame – still standing**

**Konan – still standing**

**Wicked Tooth Fairy – still standing**

**Status: Team Pretender:**

**Deidara – still standing**

**Kumori – (Quit the war)**

**Zetsu – unconscious**

**Tobi – still standing**

**Itachi – unconscious**

**Kakuzu (the Pretender) –unconscious**

It was late at night, so late that the halls would be pitch black. You would probably overlook the two Akatsuki members leaning against the wall, prepared for one, or if they were lucky, TWO of the last members of Team Pretender to come running out.

"Hidan, scream!" Kisame said urgently.

Hidan glared at Kisame, "Who do you think you are, ordering me around, you big fish stick!"

Kisame snorted at Hidan's use of the term, 'fish stick', then looked at Hidan. Fire glowed in his eyes, and Hidan's fingers twitched on his scythe.

Kisame sighed, "Ok then, PLEASE scream?"

"Better," Hidan commented, then opened his mouth and let out a long, terrifying scream. "Never again will you hear me scream like that, got it?"

Kisame rolled his eyes but nodded.

**Tobi:**

"OH MY GOSH, DEIDARA-SENPAI! DID YOU HEAR THAT?" Tobi screamed, grabbing Deidara's arm.

"LET GO OF ME, TOBI!" Deidara shouted, and slapped his hand. Tobi's hand flew off and he stared at Deidara, then sobbed, "DEIDARA-SENPAI, HOW COULD YOU HIT POOR TOBI-KUN?"

"SH SH SH!" Deidara said, clamping his hand over Tobi's mouth. The scream came again. "I bet Wicked Tooth Fairy has Hidan, because that sounds like him," Deidara said, "Come on, let's catch up to him,"

"B-but Deidara-senpai, what if it's a tr-"

"Shh, Tobi! Come on," Deidara interrupted. He motioned with his gun to go off, and Tobi followed, unaware of what he was about to say was what the opposite team was planning.

**Kisame:**

"Hidan, one more scream!" Kisame urged.

Hidan glared at Kisame, and shook his head.

"True men don't scream," Hidan said.

**(Author's note: If anyone from my school is reading this, that goes for all the boys, *ahem* not pointing any fingers, but I have a few choice names in mind XD. CB, that goes towards u and all ur friends!)**

"True men don't scream? Oh really?" Kisame asked.

Hidan, his chin up, arms crossed, his eyes closed stubbornly, nodded.

Kisame sighed and got up. "Well, let's get ready to catch Tobi and Deidara-"

"U-G-L-Y! YOU AIN'T GOT NO ALABI, YOU UGLY, EH EH, YOU UGLY!" a scream suddenly tore through the halls. Kisame and Hidan looked at each other than at the hall.

"Me or Kisame? Surely you can't call my dashing looks ugly?" Hidan called.

"U-U-U-U-U-G-L-Y!" it screamed.

Hidan's jaw dropped. "ME?"

"YOU!"

"WHY YOU LAZY &$^!%# DIRTY !#$%%^& THAT DOESN'T DESERVE A !(#^$&* PLACE IN THIS !#$^*$ WORLD!" Hidan shouted, then ran down the hall.

"Hidan, no!" Kisame shouted, running after him.

**Tobi:**

"U-G-L-Y, you ain't got no alibi, you ugly, eh eh, you ugly!" Tobi sang, dancing around.

"Tobi, do you ever shut up?" Deidara asked, slumping over as he walked.

"But Deidara-senpai, isn't it a funny song?" Tobi asked, now dancing around Deidara.

"No." Deidara said.

Tobi stopped dancing, then slumped over, too.

"Well, Deidara-senpai-"

"TOBI!" Deidara snarled, and then more quietly, added, "Let's play the quiet game. You shut up, and don't even say a single WORD, then I'll give you a prize."

Tobi gasped, then was immediately quiet.

Then he heard the footsteps.

Tobi looked down the black hall that he couldn't see anything, and poked Deidara to get his attention. Deidara sighed angrily, but ignored Tobi.

Tobi poked Deidara again. Then again. Then again. Then again. Then used two fingers and poked Deidara's head. Then poked Deidara's back. Then again. Then again. Then again. Then in his arm. Then again.

Deidara's eye had started to twitch, but he still ignored Tobi.

The footsteps were getting closer.

Tobi immediately went into machine-gun mode, poking Deidra on his arm violently with both hands.

"What Tobi?" Deidara asked through gritted teeth.

"I HEAR FOOTSTEPS DOWN THE HALL, HURRY DEIDARA-SENPAI, WE'VE GOTTA RUN!" Tobi screamed, then bolted away from Deidara for the hall opposite of the footsteps.

"WAIT, TOBI!" Deidara screamed, and he ran after him. They both fell onto each other in the living room.

"DEAR LORD!" Deidara shouted, jumping Off Tobi and scooting to the other side of the room. "YOU WILL NOT MENTION THAT TO _ANYONE,_ GOT THAT?"

Tobi nodded.

"Where are we?" Deidara asked.

"How'd you get here?" someone asked, and Deidara looked to the other side of the room and saw Konan.

"Oh, hey Konan, me and Tobi found this room by accident, I guess," Deidara said.

Suddenly, a door on the other side of the room burst open, and Hidan fell. He started to get up, and paused when he saw the other's.

"Good!" Hidan snarled, standing up, "Now I can just open fire and Wicked Tooth Fairy will win the war!"

He started fumbling with the ammo, trying to put it into his gun with shaking hands.

Suddenly, ANOTHER door burst open, and Kisame stumbled into the room.

He looked around the room with a gaping mouth, then shouted to Hidan, "Knock 'em out! Hurry!"

"I'm working on it, oaf!" Hidan hissed, and loaded another bullet.

Deidara was quick to think. He shoved his hand in his clay bag and molded a bird, then sent it flying towards Hidan.

"There!" Hidan shouted, and raised his gun. Suddenly the bird grabbed the gun and flew up towards the ceiling, where it stayed.

"What? What? No! Give me that back you $&X$*% bird!" Hidan shouted hoarsely at it.

He glared at Deidara, then at Tobi, then at Konan.

"You set us up!" Hidan shouted, pointing his finger at her.

"No I didn't! I'm on your team, remember, retard?" Konan said.

Hidan gritted his teeth and looked around the room, looking for someone else to accuse.

"Well, what do we do now?" Deidara asked.

"I'll tell you what we do," an unfamiliar voice suddenly said.

The Akatsuki members looked around, then all of them almost fainted when they saw who was REALLY the Wicked Tooth Fairy.

You want to know who it is?

You sure?

The anticipation is unbearable, I know…

Ready?

Well not now, the next chapter.


	20. Status of War: The War is Over

**I'm so sorry. I'm so freaking sorry.**

**I cannot BEGIN to tell you how sorry I am. I had fans. I let them down. I've been gone for MONTHS, leaving you with this good-for-nothing cliffhanger. I am SO sorry.**

**Good news: I've improved my writing tenfold.**

**Bad news: I'm an idiot.**

**Now I will shut up and let you read the chapter.**

**Apologies,**

**LostMeaning**

Who was the Real Wicked Tooth Fairy, might you ask?

Jay Leno.

No, actually, but there, in the doorway, stood…

Kakashi.

Yes, I said it. Kakashi.

Immediately Hidan pointed an accusing finger at the ninja and let his words fly: "YOU! You were the nasty F****** punk that tried to kill me!"

Deidara, on the other hand, took a swallow as he put the facts together quickly. Wicked Tooth Fairy needed a leader, and that leader hadn't appeared yet, than this guy showed up, but the leader still hadn't shown up, so-

Death.

"Hidan, un, I wouldn't-"

"Pipe it, Picasso-wannabe! I've got a lot of guys I wanna kill, and that guys is among them!" Deidara, though angered, knew better than to keep bugging a psychotic Hidan. He gritted his teeth as his eyes darted nervously from Hidan to Kakashi. Kisame, across the room, was climbing up to a position halfway between standing and sitting, his eyes locked on Kakashi. Konan was watching calmly from the side, hoping that they all just killed each other so maybe her and Pein could get some actually worthy members for the Akatsuki.

"YOU." Hidan said. He pointed his scythe, now in his hand, at Kakashi. "YOU. Wicked Tooth Fairy or not, I have waited WAY too f****** long for this."

He jumped at Kakashi, the scythe swinging out of his hand at him. The battle had begun.

Konan immediately turned for the door and sauntered out, Tobi running after her, while on the other side of the room, Deidara had just thrown himself flat on the ground to avoid Hidan's scythe that was flying wildly. Kisame, on the other hand, was staring at what was happening, a tired and confused look in his eyes.

"Hidan, un! Watch where you're throwing your scythe-" Deidara screamed, starting to get up.

When it happened. IT. The thing Hidan never, EVER mentioned after this. The thing Hidan had nightmares of.

What happened, you ask?

Kakashi, defending himself, landed a well-aimed kick at Hidan, which hit him in the stomach. Hidan lost his balance a moment, almost falling back, and threw out his arms to catch himself. The scythe, in his wildly waving arms, immediately whizzed through the air.

And sliced off Deidara's ponytail as if it was simply a thin grain stalk.

Deidara, who had only heard a simply ssshhhhrrikkk, threw his hand at his head, where he knew the scythe had flew by. Hidan had already resumed fighting with the Wicked Tooth Fairy. Deidara's eyes widened as he felt around his head for what had once been his ponytail. A course stump of hair, falling out of a rubber band, was all he felt.

No. No. His hair was his pride and joy. No. It couldn't be true.

Deidara glanced at the floor. A clean clump of hair lay next to him, resembling a golden snake.

Deidara simply stared. His hand remained on the stump of hair that was now protruding from his head. He had turned a sick shade of pale, and his eyes had widened even further.

He warily stuck out a hand and poked the hair laying next to him. It. Was. Gone.

He rose slowly, his fists tightening, and his widened eyes immediately snapped into a glare. He stalked forward and grabbed Hidan's scythe! Hidan, surprised by what Deidara had just done, regained his senses and tugged the scythe. It didn't budge.

"You chopped off my hair." Deidara hissed.

"Let go of my scythe!" Hidan shouted, tugging it harder, "Deidara, I swear to Jashin, I'll cut off your head if you-"

"You. chopped. Off. My. Hair."

Hidan paused, than grinned, "Yeah, princess Dei-dei, I did. Whatcha gonna do about it? Throw a bird at me? Paint a picture?"

Deidara's eyes had disappeared beneath the shadow his hair, or what was left of it. He. Was. Angry.

With one fluid motion, Deidara whipped the scythe out of Hidan's hands. He faced Hidan, who had taken shelter behind Kisame.

"Kisame! Out of the way!" Deidara hissed. Kisame turned a pale shade of blue and raised his hands in defense.

"Whoa whoa whoa, Deidara. I know you want to kill Hidan, but this is all going a little far-"

WHAM! Deidara slammed the flat end of the scythes against Kisame's head, knocking him out.

"Do you know," Deidara seethed, taking a step towards Hidan, "how long it's taken me to grow out my hair?"

Hidan wasn't about to lose his dignity. He could live, no matter what Deidara did to him. He was immortal.

"How about too f***ing long?" Hidan said with a yawn, "Any guy that's willing to grow his hair out that long is either extremely famous and people don't care, or gay."

Deidara's eye twitched. "What?"

"You heard me, prissy boy. And as far as I'm concerned, you aren't exactly 'famous'." Hidan jeered.

Deidara leaped forward and cut off Hidan's head, then proceeded to bash his body with the scythe. Kakashi watched in surprise, but then a thought went through his head.

The battle was won. Team Wicked Tooth Fairy had come out victorious.

With a sigh, he turned and jumped out the window and headed for home. It was about time this whole thing was over. He had received well pay for leading a team, also.

As long as this whole game had nothing to do with taking over Konoha, or any other village, then I'm fine with working that for pay. He thought, pulling out a book.

The sun was setting, casting a reddish tone over everything in its sight. The Akatsuki base stood out palely, all of its inhabitants either still knocked out, or groggily waking up. Birds retired to their nests. Bugs flew back to their homes on tired wings.

And in the distance, the sound of Hidan swearing loudly at Deidara seemed to almost perfect the setting.


End file.
